To Vote, or Not To Vote

Everyone speaks at me about my right to vote.  Do they ever mention that I also have a right NOT TO VOTE!?  No.  However, I am NOT VOTING THIS ELECTION!  I have decided not to.  Why?  Because no one from ANY PARTY came to me and asked for my vote.  No one that represented any party came to my door and said HELLO!  They never brought their issues before me, not even in a letter or post card.  Nor did they ask me what issues concern me.

I don’t expect the actual candidates to show up on my door and ask for my opinion or my vote or to lay it all out for me.  I would have expected at least someone to pop up and explain their position. 

Reminder, not everyone has TV.  Not everyone is interested in listening to someone speak.  I want to read in writing what your position is on different issues.  I want to hold it in my hand and think it over.

I have received a ration of shit over this.  But let’s face it.  Why should I vote for just any ol’ body that’s warm?!!  If my vote is so valuable, then why was I never approached?  If it’s so valuable, then you should earn it.  And if you didn’t, then too bad.  Maybe next time someone will actually follow through on earning my vote.

It’s not my job to research you until you step forward and say to my face – will you vote for me?

Call me loony if you’d like, but I represent the type of person all parties overlook and believe it or not, if any party decided to target us to get our vote, they just might get it because they actually earned it.  And then how will that affect the overall results!  Someone’s not going to be happy.  So, to all the parties out there, I challenge you to reach us.  I challenge you to make us want to vote for you.

The Choice to be Human

Ok, not just to be Human…but to be a compassionate, loving, thoughtful and good human.

I know I’m human, but people don’t always think me as such since I will say what I mean and it may even be harsh.  I refuse to be drawn into giving all the money I have to the various different organizations when my own family is struggling to make ends meet.  Yes Yes Yes…I am on a laptop and I am at Starbucks using their WiFi.  It’s not my Laptop — it’s my daughter’s — she bought it with money she saved.  I’m only at SB’s because I’m waiting for my other daughter to get out of school today and instead of driving 180 in a day to to drop off then pick up, it’s easier to just stay in SBs, read a book, blog, Facebook, etc etc etc — you get the point…

Back to what I was saying — If you want to be miserable, think about ALL the pain and suffering in the world and all the people you cannot help just because society says you should be helping others less fortunate than you or even helping those on the same plane.

In any event, I try to be considerate of people.  I try to understand what tragedies have befallen them.  But sometimes, I’m sorry, I can’t.  I can be sorry and sadden by the loss of so many lives in one place in one event, but — no, I will not let that leave me down and blue and I will not buy the magnetic ribbon to put on my car — that ribbon doesn’t help them.  My dollar donation to get it doesn’t cover the cost of producing it either.

So what can I do?  I’m reading my Daily Scriptures this morning — and that’s why this comes to mind today.

ROMANS  12:15  (pick any version you want to)  basically says:

Rejoice with people who rejoice; weep with people who weep

Apparently, Paul’s counsel is to SHOW EMPATHY.  Ok, I can do that.  But it’s tough for me, because it’s not my fault that someone went and did so much dope that they lost the baby they were carrying inside their womb.  It’s not my fault that a mom was so messed up being a prostitute and doing drugs that her children were taken away from her by the state or that her now adult children want nothing to do with or for her.

I cannot show empathy for the stupid choices that others make. It makes no sense to me to do so.

However, is my lack of empathy for that situation also a judgement on that person?  I think so.  And it’s not my place to judge.

But really, if you sit besides me on the bus or in a coffee shop and complain about the turns your life has taken, when really it was the choices you made — what are you asking of me?  WHY are you telling me this?  I don’t know you.  I don’t owe you any sympathy.

But if I were clearly having a bad day, and my eyes were red and puffy and my cheeks blotchy from emotion — wouldn’t it be nice to have just one person to say:

Wow, looks like you’ve had a rough day — I hope it gets better for you.  ???

I would be inclined to say thank you to that person and be grateful that someone wished me well or a better day.

So, what can I say to that person that has been in horrible circumstance?

It must be hard living with those consequences.  I haven’t been in your shoes.  I hope that you find resolve with the choices you have made, and move forward making choices that will result in laughter, love and not regrets. God will forgive you if you ask it; then you have to move on and on days you find you can’t forgive yourself or that others hold those past choices against you, know that God doesn’t.

Maybe that’s what I should have said, instead of, I’m sorry to hear that.

Maybe saying something kinder like what I wrote above would help uplift/upbuild this person’s spirits and they may begin to make better choices.

I have the problem of ruminating on my bad choices.  I have the problem of holding a grudge against myself and am still learning to forgive myself and move on.  And like others have told me when we talk like this, they say, GOD HAS already forgiven you.  Don’t under mind or questions his ability to do so. Let the past go and move on if you have repent for it and made amends where you could.

Back to the scripture and Paul’s counsel — I’m told that ‘We need to learn to understand and even share another person’s feelings.’

And truly, I believe this a choice that I must make at every opportunity when presented with such a moment.  I may not get it right 100% of the time, but I think it’s a step in the right direction for me. I  don’t want to contribute to another’s pain and suffering.

But really, think about this…never mind, don’t get me started on Always brand maxi pads choice to send money to third world countries so girls out there don’t have to miss school!  BITE ME ALWAYS!!!  There are kids here state side that need that first — considering those girls in the tribal way of life out there had coped for thousands of years without your NON-Bio-degradeable maxi pads!!   REALLY?!!!    REALLY?  What are they going to do with the pads when they are done — it’s not like Waste Management is going to come along and take them to the local sanitation dump for them are they???!!!!!

Sorry, I know, it was a heartfelt beautiful blogging moment that I was really getting into the moment and then I had to mess it up with that, right…. like when I have the most pretty dress up, my hair and makeup are perfect, my heels are awesome and then… I put on a black zip up hooded sweatshirt!!

I’m Gay Mom! I Really Am.

This situation could have consequences both good and bad and that could progress from bad to worse.  It’s just a situation that I have been privy to.

*************

MOM:  You’re not gay.

DAUGHTER:  Yes I am.  I dating So-And-So.  I like her.

MOM:  So-and-So has dressed like a boy, acted like a boy and lived as a boy since you met HIM and were introduced to HIM.  Even get’s Called : (insert Generic Boy name here).  You even call SO & SO by a Boy’s name!!

DAUGHTER:  But that means I’m gay because He’s really a She!

MOM:  No, that means you were fooled and lied to for the past TWO years.   SO & SO will one day be a BOY and since day one of meeting SO & SO you thought that person was a BOY!  You’re NOT Gay!

*****

No other issue made of it.  One month later, Faux Boy dumped said daughter just as daughter was thinking of dumping Faux Boy because well, they both get easily bored and were fickle to begin with. They were both Sophomores.

Now, of course, it may have been as simple as I dialoged.  It may have been more complex.  However, if I were to find out the boy I was dating and had been friend with for almost 2 years happened to be a girl, well, there would be some issues for sure.  But not ones that made me think I was gay.  That’s just not fair to the poor daughter that got duped.

And it’s not fair to the mom that may have been dreaming of weddings and babies or whatever.

Is there a chapter on this in a self-help book? or a common sense parenting book?  I wonder. Maybe I don’t really care.  But it’s a situation that I watched unfold because I am privy to this family’s life and moments.

Some situations suck and there’s no changing that.  It’s how you cope with the situation that will determine how long the suffering will continue.

I’m sure I could go on about this.  But, when kids don’t understand things, some times things tend to get really screwed up.  Then our teens become depressed, suicidal, confused, convinced they know better, have self-doubt, get scared, etc etc etc.  You name it, they will step into it as sure as the fan will blow what just hit it into our direction.

Have Salt First

DISCLAIMER:  Don’t read unless you can have a sense of humor about it or realize that it’s true  – so don’t take it as a personal attack on you  (i don’t even know you and vice versa) if stuff like this happened to you, we all have moments and we all make mistakes and from them, we learn and grow and become better people, better dog parents, better human parents.  But if you see a part of yourself in here that can be changed for the better, please, make the effort and do so.

RE:  Selena Gomez & her Demon-eyed Bastard of a Mutt Dog 

Pay attention folks.  Natural Selection/Survival of the Fittest

Dog eat Dog World

Dog ate rocks.  Dog should have died. But someone saved the dog and got it medical help.  Dog can now knock up girl dog and they too can have stupid rock for brains baby mutts.  And those dumb baby mutts will also eat things they shouldn’t — such as poop, rocks, nails, plastic toy horses, anti-freeze, etc…   and again, someone will pay the money to have the doc do surgery and save the dog so that little kids everywhere don’t mourn those dumb baby mutts.

However, as a friend of mind sits here and says to me that Selena has the money to pay for the health care of that said puppy of hers then I say:  BAD OWNER!

Truly — I’m not blaming the dog for being stupid and eating ROCKS!  That’s plural of course.  Let’s blame the blame where blame is due.

SELENA GOMEZ may be a hero and responsible owner in some people’s eyes/minds but come on!

Where was Selena that the dog got away with eating more than one rock?  What, no doggy nanny?  I have no idea what kind of staff if any she has to help her with the dog specifically.

Every puppy should be taught some basics such as:

• Sit
• stay
• off
• give
• drop it
• leave it
• wait
• uh-uh
• come
• easy

It is daily work.  Every time work. Puppies must constantly be worked with.

OWNERS require even more training and work.

Owners need to learn the following:

• To watch their dogs
• to be consistent with their dogs
• to say the commands and mean it
• to not say a word so often that the dog thinks it’s part of every day vocabulary and has no true meaning like the teachers from Charlie Brown — wa wa wa wa waa
• To watch their dogs (yes I said it again)
• to know what their dog’s normal poop looks like
• to use the commands they were taught at puppy kindergarten

So…

where am I going with this?

Selena Gomez (and others like her) throw money at a solution to a problem they could have avoided in the first place.

• Had someone been keeping on eye on the dog, they would have seen the dog playing with or trying to eat the rocks.
• Had Selena and the dog and whomever was supposed to be watching the dog gone to dog training classes (which is really about teaching the owners to communicate with the dog and to teach the owners to pay attention just as much) — then the dog would have known the words LEAVE IT or DROP IT — and then when they saw the dog playing with or trying to eat the rocks — the people with voices could have said such words to the puppy and wa la—the rocks would not have had to be surgically removed from said puppy.

Are you all following along with my line of thinking?

It’s similar to teenagers that think they can just walk into the cross walk without looking either direction or waiting to see if the vehicle will stop for them.  Maybe those kids shouldn’t have children in the future.  Maybe the parents were the kind of parents that also did stupid God complex like stuff.  So, maybe that particular genetic line should not continue and it should stop as soon as the car and the body impact.  Harsh I know.

So, back to the dog…

I hope that dog is fixed.  We don’t need more stupid dogs to be adopted by more stupid people that won’t give basic attention to those 4-legged children of theirs — because dumb dogs adopted by lack-luster owners end up in the pound or in the ground.  And that’s sad.

It’s sad because a lot of what happens to domesticated dogs can be prevented.

Ate antifreeze?  Why didn’t the owner have it properly stored away from the dog…?  I hope they didn’t have kids too!

Ate rocks? Why didn’t the owner stop the dog or watch it when it was in the yard playing? Why wasn’t there a bone or ball to play with?…. Chances are the owner’s kids also ate cat poop when in the playground sandbox too!

Strangled on collar as it was caught on the fence? Why wasn’t the owner out there watching the dog? Reminds me of when toddlers manage to drown in the family pool when the mom was vacuuming.

Now, go have a margarita with that salt! ok, make mine a tequila!

The Amazing Accuracy of an Illogical Being’s Mind

It’s a safe assumption to presume that I am emotional.  You can label me that just by first looking at me, even if you just barely spare me a glance.  If you then plop me into that category, you can then add Illogical and Unreasonable to that list as well — again, just by looking at me and not even hear me utter a word or have read a single sentence of mine.

HOW?  WHY?

Because — I am a woman.

HARDY HAR HAR — right?

Seriously, though.

Being a woman means that I am bound to be the following:

• Illogical
• Unreasonable
• Emotional
• Psychotic
• Cruel
• Vindictive
• Cut throat
• Bi-polar
• Manic
• Depressed
• Obsessed
• Self-Centered
• Selfish
• Needy

I’m not saying that I am that way 100% of the time, everyday, all year.  But being a woman means that I am a chameleon, that I am like the ocean tide or like a mid-summer afternoon breeze.

What I am saying is that there is a flip side to all that.  For every negative emotion I carry and may act out or upon — there is an overdose of counter action to that, it doesn’t balance out, but it leans in favor of all the positive I contain within my DNA – all the good things that I can do and have done — to which I am capable of.

• Love
• Nurturing
• Laughter
• Dance
• Compassion
• Children
• Childbirth
• Self-Sacrifice
• Long Suffering
• Patience
• Wit
• Creation
• Touch
• HUGS
• Encouragement
• Uplifting Kind words
• A harbor from the storm

Maybe the list isn’t as long as that first one.

Ok, I know it’s not and some of it I had to stretch for and just say to hell with it, I’m putting it on the GOOD list.

What does that imply?  I don’t know.  Let me work it out as I type.

Even if the only things on that 2nd list were:  Love, Laughter and Life   …. ok, add Compassion and self-sacrificing too…

The love that I give freely to people every single day, regardless of if I tell them and only show them or don’t show but tell them  …or even when I’m mad and unreasonable — that LOVE is there!  That LOVE is real.  It is cemented into my being.

I will love you always.  I know this.  If I love you, I LOVE YOU!  and even if we don’t speak anymore, I still love you.  You may have hurt me, I may have hurt you — but we hurt because of that love.  We couldn’t hurt each other unless there was LOVE there to have made us feel disappointment, pain, and anger.  Because if you didn’t matter to me, then I really wouldn’t care about you, I wouldn’t feel anything other than as if I noticed a fly buzzing around a window waiting to get out into the open and back to a pile a poop.

I only get mad and unreasonable and illogical and all those things in that first list because something has gotten under my skin and travelled to my heart and shut off my brain and made my eyes water and run and now I have to show how I feel inside as a result — so, what I am sharing on the outside is really how my insides feel and you weren’t listening and this is what then happened.  RIIIIIGHT?!!!

Yup.  That’s what happened.

What you perceive as an illogically unreasonable and psychotic episode — was really the resulting consequence of you not listening and responding appropriately to the verbal cues and use of body language which I had previously calmly laid before you.

And in the words of Mr. Gump:  That’s all I’m gonna say about that

Why isn’t my heart meant for you?

I’m sitting here, in dance class — as a parent, watching my kid dance.  However, there’s an invasive song with lyrics that permeate into my skin — into the fiber of my being.

There’s a portion of the lyrics that asks basically, if this is like this and that is like that then:  Why isn’t my heart meant for you?

There are a few other parents here watching and listening as well.

How many of them are like me?  How many of them are trying to watch our kid dance and learn a routine and to also feel it and believe it and relate a story to the audience, but how many are sitting here being thrown back into a time or relationship and are being ripped open by insecurities but are unable to display a single frown or tear or heart wrenching sob at what was lost and is long gone?

Maybe that’s why I stopped dancing.  I used to love to dance.  My children tell their friends that I’m a dancer and I say I’m ‘retired’.  Is it because I forgot how to dance? Is it because I got older and have knee, hip and back problems?  or is it simply something that no one would recognize — that I have built up a wall around that piece of my heart that doesn’t want to feel a thing other than the love for her children?

I know that’s why when I hear songs like this.  Songs that make me want to stand up and dance out the tears that are flooding the very essence of who I am and can only want to bleed it out on the dance floor…to show someone with the movement of my body what is inside my soul that words could never express other than even vaguely or remotely here on this blog?

“i can barely breathe”  — that would about sum that up.  ’Why isn’t my heart meant for you?’ — because some one once had my heart and I never got it back — instead I got back some torn up lump of flesh that pulses but barely…. it barely is enough to keep my alive.  Barely enough to keep my breathing.  I cannot dance.  Not unless I want to revisit places I have not seen in decades.  Not unless I want to face what lies within.

Not unless I want to admit, I am not the person I once was, and the person I am is a poor sad decrepit imitation of the glorious being whose smile lit up brighter than a trillion stars just from someone’s love.

Don’t go there.  Don’t look back.  Don’t open yourself up to new possibilities for they might just kill you.  You might not bounce back.

The dance leaves me an open book where I cannot lie to not just myself, but to whomever might happen to glance my direction and see what is so painfully there that people have overlooked the obvious for so long.

If I could but just step onto that floor with the lights not there and not an eye watching and the music playing uninterrupted, I would…I would tell you with no words exactly why my heart is not meant for you — more importantly, I could tell that someone why my heart is in fact meant for YOU!

The longing to touch you….lost in this song

My heart died, was shaken alive but did not recover.  The devastation you left behind in your wake was covered up so that you would never see it.

And that’s the truth of the matter isn’t it.  To those reading this—I am a shell.  I have thoughts. But I don’t live.  I go through the daily motions so that my kids will have a life with a loving mom — but they will never know what it was like to also see their mom in love.  I was a glorious being with amazing hair and could captivate an audience of people through my turns of motions and body lines and I radiated with love.

I am grateful everyday for the love that remained behind, in the arms and breath of my children.  At least I have that.  If I cannot have it all, I will be grateful for that.

If I’m in a Black mood this Friday after eating Turkey…

Hi.  It’s been a REALLY long time since I’ve posted on this blog.  I admit, I almost forgot that I had it.  But there’s been A LOT of things going on since 2008 (wasn’t that the last time I spewed here)?

My mom died. Did I mention that already?  Well, she did.  July 2009.  What have I done since then?  I invested some money.  Bought a couple cars.  Bought most of my house.  I gambled.  I spent an obscene amount on a ring, had buyer’s remorse, brought it back and then went to the jewelry mart and designed virtually the same ring but at $7000 LESS than the one the store put together for me and it was a better quality.  LOVE my ring.  Shameful, I am sure.

What else?  I’ve gone on a few road trips with that car I bought.  OH, I lost my job too at the time of my mom’s death.  And I haven’t been hirable since.  WHY?  Because I kept having to go travel and be gone at least 1-2 full weeks a month because my brother couldn’t get his act together to manage all the goings on that resulted from her death.  And that lasted for over a year.  So…no regular job for me.

However….I did get back into direct sales.  Two different companies that do two different things and serve almost two different markets.  However, I love them and am enjoying them.

NOW — about this coming Friday.  The date termed BLACK FRIDAY.  I’m having issues.  So many of my almost 400 friends in the land called FACEBOOK are gearing up for these SUPER BLACK FRIDAY Deals!!  And some of them are the same ones that the other 10 months of the year (not Nov or Dec) spew and rant about not buying things made in China, or from Wal-mart, or to participate in the OCCUPY movement.  But heaven help me, let there be a deal on an iPod at Walmart or Best Buy — THERE THEY BE!!

They say they support local businesses, but will they purchase from people that do direct sales?  Hardly ever.  Hey, I don’t need them to host a party.  A referral or two would be nice.  A purchase of an item or two would be great.  And then for them to GUSH and BRAG about how happy they have something unique that they can’t find in stores would be A-AMAZE-ING!

Because let me tell you — with my DSA membership company that I am an independent consultant for, I have access to group life insurance and some discounted health care; which as someone without a ‘standard’ job does not have the opportunity for.

Did you know, that one of the companies I rep for built a production plant in China?  A WHOLE VILLAGE is able to sustain itself.  People are able to send their kids off for an education.  On top of that, because of this expansion, we were able to expand and purchase a SECOND distribution and embroidery plant within the STATES?  So, now we have THREE!  We have over 2000 people employed at our US center of operations.  On top of that, there are over 40,000 consultants nation wide and we are still growing.  I live in a state that only has 80 consultants and maybe 15 or 20 are in my northern half of the state.  The market is WIDE OPEN!!

I just started with this other DS Company at the end of September 2011.  I’ve just under $800 in sales and 2 people in my downline.  As soon as I hit that $800 in personal sales, I’ll be a senior consultant!  Which means I get an additional 7% in commissions.  And this isn’t an MLM.  This is Direct Sales/Party Plan.  Meaning, I get paid from the home office on sales my down line makes, not out of my downline’s pocket.  I’m not selling product to consultants which then they sell product to consultants and so on and so on.  There are real people buying the product as gifts or for themselves.

I’m just irritated by people that say they are looking for unique gifts for Christmas, and yet, they buy something that’s AS SEEN ON TV and give the BONUS DOUBLING to a 2nd person.  So, they in fact killed 2 birds with one stone.  DUDE…I don’t think people are happy when they get that snuggi and find they only got ONE when they know you got a 2nd one for FREE….

On top of that, why are people waiting until November to shop for the holidays?  Didn’t you know that it’s ok to buy year round and contribute that way?  Just bundle it up in a bin and put it under your bed or up in your closet or hid it in the trunk of your car until it’s time to give it out.

While my kids would love to wake up to 32 presents for themselves under the tree come December, they know that won’t happen.  I purchase things all year round for them that they wanted or needed or just would have been tickled to have someone give to them for no other reason than:  I saw it, and I thought of you, so, I got it for you.  Because you matter to me on all the days of the year, every second of my day.

And what happens in December?  We go do something together!  We go to the snow—and when I don’t have the budget for us to all go boarding or skiing, we pull out the sleds and we find a hill!  And they bring friends too! And there’s always cocoa available!  And there’s always laughter!  And maybe a muffled sounded as we get slammed with a snow ball or two. What else can happen?  We go ice skating.  We go to a movie.  We go paint pottery.  WE DO StuFF TOGEtHER. We make memories outside of gift wrap.  Sure, we still go travel for family gatherings.  That’s the neat part.  And we don’t have to drag all sorts of packages with us to the other houses so that people will see by shear quantity how much my little family loves each other!

So this Friday?  Will I be going to the stores?  Most likely not.  UNLESS….there is an A-Maze-ing thing that I just simply MUST have that day.  But I highly doubt it.

I’d rather play with my kids — did I mention they will be 16 and 18 this holiday/winter season? I’d rather take them to a gallery, or a snow filled hill, or teach them how to quilt, or whatever we want to do.  That’s the joy for me to not be run into a certain schedule that day dictated by what Macy’s has or Wal-Mart has or Kohl’s or Best Buy.

How about we find a soup kitchen and donate our time where it counts? or go to the animal shelter and walk a few dogs in hopes of making them adoptable? or help make a blanket for the Linus Project?

I’m not one of those people that has to ‘make a difference’ every day to the community, just my kids.  If I make a difference in their lives, they will make a difference in someone else’s — including my own.  My own children have taught me some valuable lessons.

Oh, and no.  I don’t watch Football.  Did I mention that?  That pisses a few people off.  I don’t know why it would make them so mad.  You’d think I killed John Madden or something.

But why would I want to contribute to someone’s earnings because they were good at Football? or any sport really?  Give me a line up of my local teams and at least a 3rd are still being allowed to play with all the antics they have pulled regarding drugs, domestic violence, drunkenness, etc…  sorry folks, I don’t pay the local meth lab or crack whores to be bad examples for my kids and their friends so I am most certainly not going to pay you either!

Ok, piece said about that.  OMG!!  I’m going to have to go back and read my other postings.  It’s been a long time since I last wrote, like I mentioned earlier.  But it feels good.  I forgot how good it felt to just type and say what I needed to say because otherwise it sits there and I wonder if I am the only one that feels this way.

That said— here’s my HOLIDAY TIP SHEET

BUY FROM YOUR DIRECT SELLING FRIENDS!

AVOID WAL-MART

IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU BELIEVE IN CHRIST OR THE HOLIDAYS OR EVEN CELEBRATE IT— It’s okay to simply wish someone a Wonderful Day and Hope that life treats them well — Especially if you’re a coffee barista and the jerk in front of me was a complete ASS to you — I promise, someone will treat you nice eventually and wish you many joys and blessings—and someone else will cause that jerk to re-think their own personal situation and attitude.

THE DMV LINE is always tiresome. Go when you feel well if you can.  If you’ve watched a young mom with a kid that’s been great for the 110 numbers and you are 4 numbers away but know that mom has another 65 to go — feel free to give her your DMV BINGO number and let her go ahead of you and you take hers….especially if you have no where to go for another 2 hours.  It won’t hurt you and it will keep her, the kid, yourself and everyone else from being more than annoyed when the kid has a melt down!  It’s not the kid’s fault he got dragged there.

LASTLY — not everyone in the food charity line or hanging out warming their hands by a barrel with fire in in and wearing camo wi/no teeth and hasn’t showered in weeks is completely worthless or irresponsible or lazy and just doesn’t want to work — the worth you take from them is knowing your life is more comfy than theirs.  That you will do just about anything to keep from living that life. That you may not be the one blessed in that situation but you feel it, don’t you.  You may even decide there are a few comforts that you can cut back on because you don’t need it after all and now you’ve found a new way to save a pinch more each month.

Be happy for the roof over your roof.  The food in your pantry.  The car that you drive. The warmth of your mattress and bedding. The love that is in your life. The friends that still care and send random messages to you.

USE the USPS to send a letter or card more than twice a year.  People love to see something other than a bill in the box!  SEND SOMETHING TO YOUR KIDS, EVEN IF THEY LIVE AT HOME With YOU!

I don’t think it will happen, but if I am in a Black mood this Friday after eating Turkey, it must be self-imposed!

OH…and I just got the best phone call ever today… my dad called.  We can’t afford to travel to see him both holidays.  He called to get our bank account number so he can put some cash in it.  He said:  Since I didn’t get you anything for your birthday, I want to put a little cash in your account — you guys can go out to a coffee shop at one of the casinos and have dinner.  No need to cook.

I love my dad.  And regardless of if he had done that, I would still love him.  He didn’t “get” me a gift for my birthday last week.  but he also knows I don’t ever ask for anything for me either.  I only never answer his first call on the day, because I CHERISH the voicemail that he always leaves — he sings Happy Birthday to me each year.  Then I call him back.  I haven’t really celebrated my Birthday in over 23 years.  I’m 38 this year.  My grandpa died 23 years ago.  He and I always celebrated our birthdays together.  I was born a day before his b-day.  Other people want to celebrate it, that’s fine, but I don’t throw myself a party or drop hints about it 3 months in advance like a 10 year old.  But personally, I don’t celebrate it.  I go along with it and say thank you.

And that’s what Thanksgiving day is about for me.  But I do it everyday.  I remind myself everyday to count my blessings at least 3-5 times a day because I know that at any second, my consciousness can be snuffed out and I won’t even know it and the people I love and am thankful for, they won’t know how I considered them a blessing if I don’t tell them as often as I can.  Why wait until November or their birthdays?

Tell them.  Tell them everyday you can.

Thank you for listening.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you for being on the other end of this.

when you’re gone

I never know where I’ll be from one minute to the next

But when I look around, I expect to see you there

Standing right besides me, the same expression of awe upon your face

The one that makes me glad that I bring your everyplace

Along all the roads that I may have travelled

There isn’t much to do without you

Having you so near

I wonder how I’ll survive

that moment when you’re gone

will it ever?

I keep RUMINATING.  It’s my new word.  I keep running in circles the same info round and round in my head.  And it hurts my heart.  It makes me cry.  It makes me angry.  It is the same thing over and over.  I can’t seem to let go.  Or, maybe I have, but the pain and hurt still lingers.  I cry for the loss of my dreams and my happily ever after that never arrived.

I’m sorry that I can’t seem to function today.  I’m sorry that I shut down.  There’s nothing left for me to do but to pour it out here and hope for a complete healing this time.  Maybe.  I am hopeful.

WAKE UP PARENTS!!

You’re child is not grown.  You need to teach your child that he/she is not grown!  Better watch your mouth and your language.  Because cussing at an adult that calls you out on the carpet for your actions and the crap that spews from it is not going to fly with me!

You want to be a giant ass and say something stupid to my kid while I’m sitting right there?!!  I don’t think so.  I am more than happy to tell you about yourself.  And if you don’t like it, better call your mama and have her come kick my ass!  Yes, the school officials will be called into take your ass to the office and have your mother called because you chose to pick a battle you can’t win.  You chose to say crap to a student who’s parent happened to be there.

And then said parent called you on the carpet for it.  Yes, sit your ass on the bench in front of the principal’s office while your parents are called.  If you don’t like it, shut your mouth then!

I’ll be telling my kid the same thing.  I’ll be calling my own kid on the carpet for the stupid crap that spewed out of her mouth too.

People are so quick to say, it takes a village to raise a child, yet, for some stupid reason, when the village tries to tell you about your kid and hold your child accountable, you get offended.

WAKE UP PEOPLE!!! Either muzzle your kid, teach them what’s right and wrong and explain to them that what they do and say, they will be made accountable for it.  They will be responsible for their actions and words.